I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
