Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
