What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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