My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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