three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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