im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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