dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
