I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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