hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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