Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
