I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
