it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
