So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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