six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
