So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
