listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she peed on how many people?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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