We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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