I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
