I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
