our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
