Duck Duck Cougar?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just high enough for therapy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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