There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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