I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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