I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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