Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
youre lurking in front of me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
