i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
