So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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