you guys were way drunker than both of me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
