thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
