I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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