What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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