summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I need to calm my uterus...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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