Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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