last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
