wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
