I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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