all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
