I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
