my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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