why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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