All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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