I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
