so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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