If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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