Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize