I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
