If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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