I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
