so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
