You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Randomize
