Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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