Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
