She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
