i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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